31 Mar 2018

Yesterday one of my Facebook friends asked, “What question are you living in today?” My answer was, “Is the change in my brain/mind where I am less organized and linear but more creative permanent and OK or temporary and something I want to figure out how to fix?”

I see myself in this book. I was trying to take a picture of the cover without a glare, when I realized that it’s totally appropriate to have a reflection of myself in the cover because as I read the first two pages, I saw nothing but myself in the words.

I haven’t been blogging much this year. Last year I did my regular Resistance Updates and a series of guest posts called Diversity in Knitting (or something like that, I don’t even have the energy to look it up precisely). This year I wanted to blog weekly about my personal knitting as I try to finish up a big pile of old WIPs. And I wanted to write about my parents moving in with us and how that is impacting my design and knitting work. And something else I can’t remember right now. But here I am, as March is ending, and I don’t think I’ve put up more than a few posts this year.

I don’t have the words to explain this, so I’ll let you read it in the words of Janet Catherine Berlo, in Quilting Lessons, one of my favorite books that I’ve ever read. Click the images to zoom in and read.

My color immersion is with painting and dyeing, not quilting, and my husband works at home. But all of the other details are so close to describing my life right now that it’s a bit scary.

Now I’m thinking to keep in touch with you all, I will post one or more of my sketches each week with a short note about the images and what I was feeling during the week. It’s not knitting and it’s not resistance updates, but it’s where I am right now.

6 Responses to Where I Am.
  1. Phyllis Bradley March 31, 2018 at 7:51 pm

    Donna, I feel you. Once in a psychic reading it came to me that I had ten years to live. As I shared this with others, I was met with shock, and amazement at my lack of fear. I told them that I work better with a deadline. What I failed to factor in was that death need not be a literal dropping of the body to be a quantum transformation. The death, of my career as a psychotherapist, my marriage, my life as I found it recognizable, my quest to find god or to define god as I understand god, all these presented me with a context. I began to lose words. I reached for Morgan Freeman’s name and got Desmond Morris and Garrett Morris. I reached for Robert Plant’s name and got bupkes. Color, freedom to create, music that never spoke me before, these recentered my life. To date. Either in spite of or as a result of or totally unrelated to my depression, I recreated myself. As a people pleaser with only my own acceptance as a goal, I learned and became who I am. So far. What a long, strange trip it’s been.

  2. I hear you. Sometimes the process of coping and reshaping your life is also about letting go of things and finding new things…all different. We have had a long time now where I am the person who copes with whatever obstacle or new thing pops up…illness, needs of small kids, old dogs, etc. I have learned to let go of what I had expected to do or accomplish and give up on so much, and yet still accomplish and experience other meaningful things in the meanwhile.

    Sometimes the noise (literal or figurative) around us keeps us from flourishing in the old ways. We have to keep going though, so we have to keep finding new ways. And yeah, the academic, intellectual me is sometimes lost in the hustle. I forget things I always remembered in the past. But when the emergency happens or someone needs me to immediately solve a pressing issue? Suddenly my brain is there, willing, and jumps into action. The rest of the time, I sometimes think it is quietly knitting in the background, trying to help me stay calm amid complete chaos.

  3. I saw a blue wave hat on this website and now it’s gone. Can you help me find it? It would be perfect for fall marches.Thank you
    theraphyll@yahoo. Com

  4. Phyllis Eisenberg August 14, 2018 at 7:21 pm

    Thank you for Blue Wave pattern. Can’t wait to make a few. Brilliant idea and pattern easy to follow. I glad to have creative people like you in my world!

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