Donna Druchunas's Blog

I guess it's the time of year, and habit. Over the past decade, I've made a point of taking the last 6 weeks of the year -- my favorite season, from Thanksgiving through New Years -- and using the time for reflection and recouperation. So here I am, not really set up to do that this year, and finding myself doing it anyway.

Instead of New Year's resolutions, I usually have one overall goal that I make for myself for the year, a focus for my life and work. I don't have to do that for next year, because I know exactly what my direction is for the year (it's twofold, getting my memoir written and doing the research for my Lithuanian knitting book).

In 2007 my focus was marketing. I had a very successful year, and I had a lot of fun. I taught workshops at home, around the US, and in Europe. I spent a lot of time online talking about Arctic Lace. I went to knitting conferences and trade shows. But now I'm beat. Even though I have another book that's just come out, and one more in January, I can't put the effort into marketing that I did last year. I don't have it in me. I do want to sell books and so I will spend some time doing things to promote my new books, but it won't be my focus for 2008.

Since I don't have to spend time searching out my focus for 2008, I'd like to make some confessions about what I've been feeling lately and where I see my life going in the next several years.

1) I'm sick and tired of knitting. Not of making the stitches and the hobby iteslf, but of the industry. No big surprise, all of my obsessions run this route. I get interested in something, immerse myself in it for months or years, and then I'm done. Kaput. Finished. I usually still maintain some cursory interest in the topic in the future, but it doesn't consume me any more. That's where I am with knitting. I just want to make stuff for myself, not post picutures of my projects on my blog, not talk about knitting conferences and new books and who's teaching what, not try to make a living from knitting related work.

2) I'm not going to buy any more knitting or writing books. I'm tired of reading books I could have written. I want to read more gorgeous prose, literature, classics, and books by authors who make me drool with envy because their writing is so good. I want to read books that will teach me how to be a better writer.

I've been bored by the books I've bought this year, even the ones that seemed to be on topics that have been in the center of my interests, even the ones that are very good books. I've bought several excellent knitting books, but they're just not capturing my imagination much any more. Although I admit there are also too many mediocre knitting books that have been coming out as so many new publishers tried to jump on board and catch the wave. I hope the wave is ending, actually, so we go back to focusing on quality instead of on quantity. There was a small trend in that direction over the past couple of years, and it seems like there are fewer books coming out this fall. I think that's a good sign.

3) I don't want to write patterns any more. I am not giving up on knitting completely, but instead of spending time designing and writing and editing patterns, I want to work on art pieces and subversive knitting projects (as I mentioned the other day). That can be as simple as making a handspun sweater to make a statement against consumerism or as complicated as -- well, I don't know yet. But I want to explore new areas instead of just making more and more sweaters and shawls. I also want to use green, environmentally friendly, yarns and materials much more, perhaps exclusively. I definitely want to spend more time spinning.

4) I want to travel more. I'd love to go to Europe for a year, but my husband has to work at a day job, so that won't be happening until our house is paid off. I don't want to make weekend trips to teach knitting classes. I want to spend months at a time in different places. I want to learn to feel the rhythm and spirit of different countries and cultures.

5) I want to spend my writing time working on personal projects, not projects to make money. In the end, it will be nice if my personal projects make money, but I don't want to have deadlines and contracts and editors telling me what to do with my projects. I want to explore new ground creatively and I need to do that on my own, on spec, taking a chance that it might end up under the bed instead of on a bookstore shelf.

6) I don't know if I want this to be primarily a knitting blog any more. I've been trying to think back about why I started blogging. I think maybe it was to promote my books. But I don't have one of those hugely popular blogs -- I get a thousand or two visits a month -- and I probably never will. I am not as passionate about knitting as the knit-bloggers who do get millions of hits. Knitting is just part of my life, and that's all it will ever be. It will never be all consuming, it will never be how I define myself. I don't want anything to be all consuming in my life. I let some obsessions get that way when I was younger, and I didn't enjoy the results. Now that I realize my obsessions are all temporary -- even if some last for over a decade -- I'm just not willing to let them own me. I don't believe in moderation, I think it's OK to follow your obsessions without guilt, but at the same time, for me at least, I need to remember that "this too shall pass."

There you have it. That's what's been on my mind recently. I need to redefine my relationship to knitting and writing. Both will be in my life forever, but not in the same way they've been in my life over the past several years. I've been successful at acheiving the goals I'd set for myself, but now I want to go in a different direction.

Wish me luck!

(P.S. I wrote this instead of working on my memoir this morning. Sigh. But I couldn't stop thinking about this to write the other stuff anyway so it's just as well. I'll try to write more on my memoir this afternoon.)

(P.S.2 I got everything on my todo list for the week done today, so I should have extra time for writing the rest of the week.)